We love a good before-and-after. But the truth? Most healing happens in the messy middle.
You know the highlight reels — “I used to feel terrible, now I feel amazing.”
But we don’t talk enough about the part in between. The part where you try something new and… nothing changes. Or where you get better for a bit, then backslide. Or when you have a breakdown in your car because you’re just so tired of not feeling like yourself.
That was me.
In the messy middle, I was completely burned out from my hospice job. My health was at its worst — brain fog, joint pain, chronic hives, and severe fatigue. On top of that, all three of my sons moved out within six months of each other. My day-to-day role as "mom" shifted dramatically. And I was in the thick of an identity crisis.
I knew I had to leave hospice or I was going to end up becoming a patient myself. But walking away wasn’t easy. It wasn’t a single decision — it was an entire unpeeling. Like an onion with layers of grief, burnout, guilt, and loss.
By choosing to take care of myself, I had to let go of how I used to care for others. I wasn’t going to be “nurse Rachel” in the same capacity. I wasn’t going to be “mom” in the way I had been. And that came with grief.
There were days I felt like a fraud — a nurse who couldn’t fix herself. Days I gave up. Days I tried again. And again.
What I wish someone had told me then was this: the middle isn’t failure. It’s not proof that what you’re doing isn’t working. It’s just part of the process.
Small shifts matter. Quiet wins matter. Showing up for yourself on the days no one sees you? That matters most.
You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to keep going.
If you’re in the middle right now, I see you. You’re not behind — you’re in progress.
Rachel xoxo
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